Nihilism and Cupcakes

The trials and tribulations of the communal fitness room

Complete Idiots, Exercise, General Anger

Mar 222012

About 5 years ago, after the water heater at our apartment complex went out AGAIN, mice appeared, and gunshots rang out close enough to smell the powder, we decided to move. And in apartment-hunting, we had requirements like location, parking, and space, but we discovered a lot of places in our price range had certain amenities that would be awesome. One of these was an on-site fitness center. We were lucky to find an amazing deal on our new place that had this awesome bonus, so I got rid of my aging, squeaky Wal-Mart elliptical and we settled in.

This is the story of five years of shared apartment building fitness room fun.

Sharing is caring!

There are clear pros to choosing a residence with this amenity. Obviously, it’s built into your rent, so it’s pretty much free. You never have to travel to get to it. You get to use your own shower. You don’t clog up your place of living with a bunch of equipment, never mind the cost to acquire that equipment. And you don’t have to maintain it, either.

Then there are the cons, which is pretty much the rest of the article.

Don’t get me wrong — I LOVE having this fitness room available. When we decide to move on from this place, there WILL be exercise equipment needs to take into consideration, and I certainly won’t move to another apartment or condo that doesn’t have something available. I have no desire to join a gym — I’ll either live in a building like this or I’ll move into a home where I can build my own fitness room.

However, when nobody is paying for membership, and management doesn’t need to keep people clinging to a membership, things get sketchy quite easily. This is amplified when your place of living is obviously above the low-income level but not nearly to the doorman level. Such is what I have lived with for quite some time.

PART 1: THE EARLY YEARS

I actually didn’t use the fitness room much for the first couple of years we lived here. I was in that little slacker pause that I had for a few years after getting married. However, I honestly wasn’t missing out on much; there was no treadmill, and the only weights available were some barbells on the floor and a really pathetically ancient stack-weight machine. Two ellipticals (one kind of crappy), a few gimmicky As Seen On TV types of things, a sad exercise bike, a mini-trampoline, and a few other odds and ends.

It's the crappy one.

In other words, it’s not big. It’s not diverse. This isn’t like having a gym membership, not even close. It’s a sacrifice in exchange for convenience and whatnot.

There were a lot of requests to management to get a treadmill. It seemed like it took forever, but we finally did get one. With that, we move on to…

PART 2: THE MEDIUM-STYLE YEARS

This would be the point where I started to use the exercise room. At first I used the bike, but soon I was dedicated to the non-crappy elliptical, which was actually pro-quality. I usually didn’t have to worry about someone using it because (a) not many people in our building used the fitness room anyway, and (b) most people wanted the treadmill. Still, if the treadmill and MY BABY were in use, I’d usually turn around and go back to my apartment.

BFFs 4-eva

At some point, the pathetic stack-weight machine died, and it was hauled away to be replaced with a big, shiny, new stack-weight machine. This brought me much joy. Additionally, some of the crappier equipment was disposed of. Still, that’s about it for the changes to the fitness room for the last 5 years.

PART 3: THE “I’M TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT” YEARS

Now I’m older and jaded, having been in this building for ages, seeing many people come and go. I have many tales of ridiculous things I’ve seen when you leave a building full of people around heavy things that they don’t know how to use. I do enjoy the entertainment value, don’t get me wrong, although I’d be more than happy to help anyone who asked me for assistance (which has only ever happened twice). I mean, I’m a fixture in that room. Anyone who lives here for any amount of time comes to realize that. There are several other regulars, too, but I stick out from the crowd in the first place.

One of the bigger headaches happens when you have people who would never pay money to join a gym or buy their own equipment, yet feel they could find some worth in the piddly fitness room. They frequently diddle around, not doing anything terribly serious, often doing more harm to themselves than good. However, what’s worse is that they usually have zero knowledge of gym etiquette; the elliptical they’re not using becomes a place to set their water jug, they’ll move things around and not put them back, they’ll bring their kids along (and they will horse around). It’s rage-inducing, to say the very least.

And then… then, well, there’s just shit you don’t feel like putting up with, but it happens thanks to cheaping out on your place of fitness.

Bear in mind... stupid happens EVERYWHERE.

It’s winter. It’s 29 degrees outside. The heat is on. I come down to the fitness room, and the door is closed, but there is a woman (in long pants and a scarf) walking on the treadmill. I open the door to find that she hasn’t turned on the giant fan, but she has the wall air conditioner unit turned on. Yes, the heat can be turned off. Yes, there are giant windows. Yes, they open. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PERSON?

I once found someone who had brought down her cat. Someone else brought along their BIRD IN ITS GIANT CAGE. And one morning, I found myself bathed in the sunshine of the Lord, as someone had brought down a boom box to crank gospel music for their Saturday AM weight lifting.

These things don’t happen in a regular fitness centers. These things probably make many of you very happy for your gym membership.

Yet, look at me. I still live here. I still use the fitness room, and I still don’t have a gym membership. I have gotten some strength training equipment for workouts that I do in my own apartment due to the lack of variety in the exercise area, but all that does is reinforce my reliance on the fitness room to keep up the other half of stuff that I use. Have I made peace with with all the cons, or did I build myself a giant trap?

Such is the communal fitness room. You get what you pay for, I guess.

Scientists discover the obvious, proclaim a revolution is needed

Complete Idiots, Diets, General Anger, Misinformation, Studies, Weight Loss

Mar 082012

One would almost think that I enjoy slamming my head into a wall. Strangely enough, I don’t. Unfortunately, I don’t have access to the heads that need a good head-slamming so that I may assist them with thunking accordingly.

This thought passes through my head when I see hilariously idiotic articles like this one in which the first sentence states that everything we know about dieting is wrong. Really? So that’s why nobody in the world is ever able to lose weight? We’ve all been fruitlessly trying to treat cancer with Tylenol?

Seriously though, this is what they are claiming is revolutionary.

Current standards in the United States, where two thirds of people are overweight or obese, advise people that cutting calories by a certain amount will result in a slow and steady weight loss over time.

But that advice fails to account for how the body changes as it slims down, burning less energy and acquiring a slower metabolism, researchers told the American Association for the Advancement of Science meeting in Vancouver.

The result is a plateau effect that ends up discouraging dieters and sending them back into harmful patterns of overeating.

First of all, let’s start with the fact that the original statement is just plain WRONG. No nutritionist, doctor, or dietitian plucks a number for someone at 250 pounds and advises them to continue the exact same plan once they get down to 180 pounds. That’s just fucking stupid. Even Weight Watchers forces you to change your allowed points as your weight changes.

herps and a derps

If they’re referencing the axiom of “cutting 500 calories per day to lose a pound a week,” again, they’re leaving out the key bits of that axiom. You cut 500 calories from a number, and that number does change as weight is lost. Nobody is saying it doesn’t change. Nobody is delusional here, aside from these scientists who apparently don’t read more than a headline’s worth of information about any given nutrition plan.

For crying out loud, there’s a reason why I provide a spreadsheet in my resources section. In that sheet, your goals adjust on a month-by-month basis. Those goals adjust due to changes in weight, activity, and age. Yes, even getting 1/12 of a year older is taken into account. And it’s not like I made all of this up with some crazy brains, this is all information that I gathered from other sources.

Hall, a scientist with the US National Institutes of Health, said his work aims to “come up with better rules and better predictions of what is going to happen when an individual changes their diet.”

He and colleagues said their scientific model is aimed to help doctors and policymakers, while a “back-of-the-envelope calculation” for consumers means cutting small amounts of daily calories, but expecting to cut more over time.

“If I want to lose 10 pounds of weight eventually, I have to cut 100 calories per day out of my diet,” Hall explained.

Apparently, part of this idea is that the scientists focused on statements like, “if you stopped drinking one soda a day, that’s 200 calories cut per day, so after 6 months you will have lost over 10 pounds!”

Here’s the thing: when we’re talking about an amount of time like 6 months, that might very well be correct, especially if you have, ohhhh, 80 pounds to lose.

But the REAL idea here is that a phrase like the above is merely a buzz used to show people just how great of an effect a small change could be. It’s not a doctor’s direction. It’s not a nutrition plan. It’s a motivational technique, a buzz phrase, an ear-grabber. And if these scientists are under some hilarious impression that this is the type of thing that dietitians lay out for their clients, then they clearly have absolutely zero clue what on earth they are talking about.

sure does sound snazzy though

The only, ONLY, “experts” who rely on this kind of bullshit are the idiots selling lose-weight-quick plans, books, and other gimmicks. NOT the medical community. NOT anyone with a fucking brain.

That’s before we get to the NEXT misstep in their crazy conclusion.

“You’ll get halfway there in about a year, and then you will eventually plateau, (reaching the goal) after about three years,” he added.

“For folks abroad that works out to about 100 kilojoules per day per kilogram. The contrast is the old rule of thumb predicts twice as much weight loss after a year, and it gets worse after that.”

The new model gives dieters one calorie goal for short term weight loss and another for permanent weight loss. Exercise is also calculated in to help set realistic goals.

Let me refer back to one of my most favorite studies that I wrote about — the one that states while metabolism adjustments may slow down weight loss over time, more people will quit before they reach the type of plateau that comes with the speed of that adjustment — generally around the 6-month point. To say something asinine like “after about three years” makes me snort. Who gets to the three year mark without any sort of change to their plan?

Which then filters down to that other statement they made, that people should have two different calorie goals. This is doubly hilarious because this goes against everything they just rattled on about.

:awesome:

It should always be a changing process. And that’s how it’s done now, despite what these yahoos think. So why on earth they should go batshit flipping-out ballistic about how a HUGE REVOLUTION is needed, and they turn around with the advice to essentially take one ear-catching buzz-phrase and turn it into two ear-catching buzz-phrases and this suddenly fixes the universe? What in the fuck?

“There is a lot of inertia behind these old rules of thumb,” he said, adding that he was heartened by an editorial in December in the journal of the American Dietetic Association that commented on the idea of a weight loss plateau and mentioned the new simulator.

“It’s going to take some time to get the public and the professional community aware that there is a new way of doing things, and we actually have some tools that weren’t available before.”

PUT DOWN THE FUCKING CRACK PIPE.

If you’re wondering why the professional community is slow to pick up your plan, dude, it’s because they don’t want to go backwards. They’re using calculations and models that are far more accurate. Fuck, some of them might actually be doing metabolic tests on their patients so that they’re not just using generalized age/height/weight/activity averages.

When a system as simplistic as Weight Watchers is this far ahead of you, you have GOT to realize you are probably 400 miles behind the starting line. I mean, really.

Holy fuck. I feel dumber after reading this. Seriously. ME WANTY COOKIE. CUP PLUS CUP EQUALS MILK.

Fight for your right to be fit, part two

Complete Idiots, General Anger, Lifestyle, Motivation, Weight Loss

Mar 052012

When I wrote the original article on this topic last week, it wasn’t meant to be a two-parter. However, I’ve gotten into additional conversations over the past week that have led me to believe that Annie’s problem is so widespread that it deserves a deeper dive.

One thing I mentioned previously is my handling of ignorant comments from co-workers and the like when it came to my food choices. You know, the whole “lol bird food” thing. This is very, very common. And maybe I was more immune to it than most because I had previously spent three years as a vegetarian. I was used to people making stupid remarks about how “picky” I was. But the truth of the matter is, there is no difference whatsoever between the two. Vegetarianism is usually undertaken on a combination of moral and health grounds. Is eating healthy any different? I’m telling you now — it is NOT.

Oh screw you, I'm not forcing YOU to eat it, am I?

There are a lot of reasons to eat healthy. The one that I typically encourage people to use, especially when dealing with people who are repeat offenders of unwarranted commentary, is a focus on why what you are doing is good for more than just you. If you are married and/or have kids? You’re making these choices to be around longer and to be able to do more things with them. Does your family have a history of health problems? Focus on the idea that you want to stop the cycle and doing what you can to compensate for poor genetics so that you can show the rest of your family that they aren’t doomed.

I’m sorry, it’s true: living a healthy lifestyle is altruistic. You’re saving the taxpayers from being a future Medicare burden by doing everything in your power to avoid all of the issues that are within one’s power to control. You’re saving that same burden on your family, too. Granted, not all things are cured or averted because of proper nutrition and exercise, but your risk profile is lowered significantly. That’s all anyone can ask you to do.

The downside of this argument — if one should even consider it an argument — is that bringing it up may create defensiveness from those who were giving you grief. “Oh, so you think you’re better than me while I eat this greasy pizza, I hate my family and hope I can sap the government to pay for my diabetes?” Clearly, that’s not rational, but it is to someone who doesn’t like that you’ve put this idea in their heads that they’re not as “good” as you because they don’t practice these things. However, as far as I’m concerned, if they’re going to make the idiotic statements about “bird food,” then maybe making them feel guilty and defensive is a GOOD thing. They’re the ones who brought it up into discussion; they need to face the hard truth.

You're the idiot who opened that door to the hard truth, idiot

Another area where people tend to face difficulty is the “fake concern” department: dear, we see you’re working out all the time and hardly eating and we’re worried about you. What’s important to note here is that rarely, RARELY, is there real reason for concern. What most people need is education. And so if they’re going to try and throw some sort of medical or scientific excuse into the mix, it’s up to you to teach them what it is that you are doing, why you’re doing it, how it works, and other such snore-riffic information.

Actually, feel free to take this OVER 9000. If it’s clear that the people bringing this up are just selfish assholes who are mad that you won’t eat their cheesecakes and cinnamon rolls, I highly encourage you to get as deep and nerdy into this shit as absolutely possible. Bore them to tears. Don’t let them leave — after all, they’re concerned about you, right? If they’re concerned, then they need to know EV-ER-Y-THING. Then you can ask them to bring you medical literature that refutes anything you’ve discussed, and you can have even more conversation about how and why your approach works for you and its potential risks.

Now, don’t skew this as some sort of defense for compulsions and eating disorders. If you’ve got people calling interventions and you really are messed up, please don’t try and coat it in a veil of trying to get healthy. Be honest. Same if you are spending all of your time at the gym to avoid the people in your household or life responsibilities. Some concerns may be legitimate.

But most won’t be, and it’s a fairly sure thing that you won’t hear a peep out of these people about your lifestyle ever again.

The idea here is simple: no matter who these people are in your life, they will NEVER be able to back up their “concern” with reason. All of their bullshit is based on emotion, frequently an underlying sense of shame within themselves that they know they should be doing the same thing but don’t have their priorities in order to earnestly head down this path. Seeing your willpower and strength fail legitimizes that it’s “too hard” and tells them that it’s okay that they’re not doing it even though they know it’s what is best for them. If they were truly concerned, they wouldn’t come at you with insults, underhanded comments, or a confrontational demeanor. All of those are critical flags that the problem is theirs and theirs alone.

The point I want to make above all else? Do not let people treat you this way.

I will say this again because it is of utmost importance: DO NOT LET PEOPLE TREAT YOU THIS WAY.

Stand up for yourself! Stand up for your decision to improve your health and fitness! Everything you are doing is for a “better you,” if we want to get all sappy about it. If someone started giving you shit about going back to school for an advanced degree, I mean, is there ANYTHING in that scenario that should inspire a single person to speak negatively to you about it? Outside of Rick Santorum anyway, you snobby elitist.

And as for the fuckers who try to guilt trip you in any way for your decision? Do not, for one moment, hesitate to point out when their statements of concern are self-involved. And don’t feel bad about it — they fucking started it. They tried to make you feel guilty! That’s a dick move in any capacity. Call them out on it. This isn’t the time to be gentle and kind and fluffy about it, either. They need to know that you understand what they’re trying to do. Most importantly, follow this up by shifting the conversation to them and their feelings; deflect the conversation from you to them, ad nauseum, until they understand that you are in no way going to feel bad whatsoever about your choices and that everything they’re saying is coming from a place of personal shame. You don’t have to say that directly, of course, unless they start getting super-dickery about it.

what a dick

I will tell you this: any of these things, which are usually faced by people who are still “in progress” on their way to a goal, will dissipate over time. The more you stick to your guns and show that you will not be swayed by their bullshit, the fewer of them will keep trying. And especially once your body starts showing noticeable improvements, it will shut them right the fuck up. I say this from experience. And I recommend that as you move into new jobs or meet new people that you keep a “before” picture with you. If any comments come up, whip that baby out. You will never hear a peep about it again. Guaranteed. I should know, I’ve been doing it for over 9 years.

I know it can be difficult when you don’t have a great support system. But listen to me, and tattoo this backwards on your forehead so that you can read it every day in the mirror if you have to: you have enough strength to do this all by yourself. YOU DO. Nobody else puts food in your face, nobody else pushes you onto that exercise bike. Which is to say — YOU are the reason for your own success. Yes, it’s nice to have pats on the back and family members who surprise you with low-fat all-natural cranberry orange muffins for breakfast. But that’s a goddamned fantasy world. You’re not Cinderella. Don’t expect that kind of shit and you won’t be disappointed when you don’t get it.

But do feel free to reach out to support groups, whether they’re therapy-related or just online communities, if a true support system is that important to you. You may be the only one in your immediate world who is trying to better themselves, but the whole world is dotted with people like you, many of whom are stuck in the same situations.

Still, I urge you to get up the gumption to flip off (literally or figuratively) anyone who dares to give you hell about taking care of yourself and improving your lifestyle. It’s rude, it’s obnoxious, it’s uncalled for, and people should feel no more okay about opening their mouths and spewing that shit than they should feel comfortable with racist and sexist remarks. Do not take this shit lying down.

Yeah take that, Superman

And if they’re stupid enough to persist, ask them if they’d like you to demonstrate what you’ve learned in kickboxing or jiu-jitsu.

Fight for your right to be fit

Health, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Motivation, Weight Loss

Feb 272012

One of my buddies recently posted a link to this article about a topic I’ve addressed before: sabotage by your friends and family.

Y’all know my perspective on this. I think it’s disgusting, unloving, and selfish for people to make things difficult for the people they supposedly care about to lose weight or generally live a healthier lifestyle.

But then I sat here thinking more about this topic and I realized… wow, I honestly never had to deal with a lot of this guilt-trip bullshit nonsense. When I was younger and lived at home, my mom was not a positive influence on my diet, but my response to that was to buy my own groceries and leave her out of the mix entirely. I’d make the offer for her to join me or to listen to anything she wanted to hear about what I was doing, but otherwise, I kept my shit to myself. I rolled solo.

So reading through this article, it struck me: it’s my personality. I’m not a people-pleaser by nature. I’m direct, I have a hot temper, and I’ve got a strong reaction to anyone who tells me I’m doing something impossible, silly, or otherwise. That’s universal, be it strangers or not.

I want to walk through the struggles in this article and, perhaps, give you the fire in your belly to respond the way one ought to respond to destructive behaviors.

Annie is a 45 year old mom of 3. She wakes up one day fed up with being 50 pounds overweight and decides to make some big changes. She goes shopping for healthier foods, searches for healthy recipes, and dusts off the treadmill in the basement.

NICE TO MEET YOU, ANNIE

She asks her husband to bring the treadmill up from the cold damp basement so she can use it in front of the TV, but he argues that it will be an eyesore. She asks him to go walking with her in the evenings and he complains that it’s too cold and he doesn’t want to miss his TV shows. Annie goes for walks each night by herself and eventually her husband complains, “I feel like I live alone! I’m tired of sitting here by myself every night, why don’t you want to watch our shows with me anymore?” Annie feels badly for leaving him alone, but the evening is the only time she can fit in her walking.

Oh my god, I want to punch this guy in the neck.

An eyesore? Buddy, your wife wants to do something positive for herself, which will make her healthier in the long run AND improve her self-esteem. There’s nothing that is an eyesore about your wife bettering herself. And you have three kids; you can’t tell me that your house is something out of Better Homes & Gardens, where a treadmill would mar the picture-perfect magic that is your living room.

Annie, hustle up either your older kids or call some friends and move that damn treadmill yourself if your husband is going to be a dick like that. Honestly, he’s only made up this “eyesore” excuse because he doesn’t want to do it himself.

I know y'all were envisioning this, too

He doesn’t want to miss TV shows? He considers sitting on a couch watching TV to be quality time? Does this guy realize how PATHETIC that sounds? Never mind that if he’d put the fucking treadmill upstairs, there wouldn’t be an issue here with this kind of time spent together. Obviously conversation isn’t at a premium here or he’d be happy to go out on a walk with his wife where their full attention would be on each other. If he really missed spending time with her, he’d go with her.

It would be one thing if Annie was gone for 4 hours a day, leaving her husband and kids to take care of chores, never spending family time together. But that’s not what we’re looking at here.

So let’s be real. What this guy is saying is, “when you exercise, it makes me feel self-conscious about not doing anything to make myself healthy. Therefore I will put up roadblocks every time you try to make me think about my own health so that I can feel better about myself.” This is all 100% selfish behavior. It’s deliberate sabotage of the person he supposedly loves, all for self-preservation. It’s inexcusable.

When Annie is frustrated by having to write down everything she eats, she vents to her husband. He says, “Honey, why bother with all this stress? You look great, you don’t want to get too skinny anyway!”

Alright, a bit less venom from me on this one. This is a common error that comes from a place of love whenever someone sees another person they care about stressing so hard over things like weight.

The thing to remember is, Annie has a goal here. She wants to lose weight. She’s venting because the steps that it takes to lose weight are sometimes cumbersome, annoying, and not really anything you actually feel like doing. Basically, she knows what has to be done, and she knows she’s going to keep doing them, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to LIKE it.

Bitch just needs to get it out of her system, lest she combust.

What her husband sees is someone who wants to hear that it’s OK to not do it anymore. He’s looking to reassure her that even if she quits, he’ll still love her just the way she is. And that’s a common misconception. I can’t really yell at the guy for this one… he just needs education.

What Annie needs is someone who will keep her head in the end-game with a bit of empathy. Yes, it certainly is a pain in the ass to do all that tracking. But if it’s working for her, it’s worth the annoyance, right? Think of it as the same kind of tedium that comes with a beauty regimen. It’s not exciting or fun, but the results make it all worthwhile.

Annie and her family have a weekly pizza night on Fridays with the neighbors. She suggests that they switch things up once in a while and get rotisserie chickens instead of pizza and the neighbors say, “Gosh, I don’t know, the kids really won’t eat that kind of chicken. Pizza is nice because everyone loves it and it’s so cheap!” She decides to bring herself a healthier meal and the neighbor comments, “Got your bird food with you again, eh?!” which Annie finds embarrassing.

Honestly, as far as the neighbors and their stupid pizza fixation goes, I at least understand it when it comes to cost and routine convenience. I think it’s sad that they shut down the idea of chicken once in a while or changing things up (HEAVEN FORBID) but eh, what can you do except just go fucking buy the chicken and tell them to suck it. But way to go, Annie, for your response of bringing your own meal. That’s how you do it.

Now, to the neighbors and the bird food comments: this I can say I experienced first-hand from co-workers back in the day. Balancing my bitchiness with professionalism, if I heard this bullshit, I’d look them dead in the eye and say, “Yep.” And keep eating. Middle fingers under the table, if possible. Repeat offenders got this:

Really, jabroni?

But these are casual neighbors and whatnot. The proper response isn’t to just sit there all embarrassed. STAND UP FOR YOUR DAMN SELF. If someone makes a comment about bird food like that, feel free to educate. Tell them your family has a history of heart disease and that you’ve become conscious about wanting to live longer for your children. That will either turn it into a positive conversation or it will shut them the fuck up. Maybe they’ll change their mind on the fucking chicken, too.

When Annie loses 20 pounds, her husband brings her chocolates to celebrate. Annie tells him, “Thanks but I really shouldn’t eat these.” Her husband says, “Nah! You have done SO great! You deserve to indulge now!”

Alright, here’s another iffy one. There’s a problem where her husband sees food as a reward — possibly this was previously her method of rewarding herself, one that she wants to change — but he hasn’t figured out that this is now a no-no. Yeah, it’s not rocket science and he should have used half a brain cell and gotten flowers instead or some bullshit. But the thought came from a good place.

Likewise, there are some people who do indulge from time to time, even when on a weight loss plan. For some, it’s not the end of the world to have a treat once a week or so. But for most, they start to feel a lot of guilt and anxiety if they go off-plan. Those who haven’t tackled a weight problem do not understand this AT ALL. For people who have problems with moderation, the first step to success is staying strict.

Really, this situation means there needs to be a good chunk of conversation between Annie and her husband. He’ll figure it out eventually, but he’s obviously not educated on how to properly be supportive. And he’s already shown that he’s definitely not a mind-reader. Perhaps a talk about this will help Annie’s situation with her husband much more in the long run.

For the holidays, Annie is proud of her decision to bake only 2 batches of low-fat cookies instead of her usual 10 batches of peanut butter cookies. Her mother, looking disappointed says, “Everybody loves your peanut butter cookies. You have brought them every year for 20 years! Not everyone wants to eat those cardboard cookies, don’t bring these just because you are on a diet!”

Let me run down my own train of thought on this one.

Is Annie’s mom as supportive as she could be? No. But Annie needs to be realistic, too.

First of all, if her mom had instead said something like, “you know, people love your PB cookies and will be expecting them, could you make a few batches of those as well?” then perhaps I’d tell Annie that this is a reasonable request and she should suck it up and deal with her own willpower issues. It’s the holidays, and no, it’s not all about your diet.

However, the way her mom responded would make me flip tables and tell her to suck the cookies she doesn’t have.

Or be less G-rated about it.

Obviously that’s not really responsible or a good way to keep a family dynamic rolling along, so instead Annie has to deal with her mom’s bullshit. And her response should either be to grow enough of a spine to offer to bring a few batches of both like I mentioned before, or nothing at all.

The thing is, even if Annie didn’t make the peanut butter cookies, it’s not like everyone else at this family gathering is going to be cooking healthy. She can’t whine too much about temptation when the entire holiday is NOTHING but temptation. Cookies are just one more thing to add to the mix. You can either upset everyone with your shitty healthy cookies (if you read the full article, her family was bitching about her stir fry…) or you can make them cookies of artery-clogging deliciousness. When you get there, you’ll be eating THEIR artery-clogging deliciousness, after all. So, fuck it. This isn’t the time to try and change the world. And that’s just life.

But seriously. Annie, stop letting people step on you. Stop taking shit when you don’t need to take shit. Stop letting people take you on a non-stop guilt trip. Call them out and stop it in its tracks. You can’t keep crying about how haaaaaaaaard it is when you don’t stick up for yourself or do anything to change your situation. Whip these fuckers upside the face and keep your head held high.

Giving good advice: where, oh where, has the common sense gone

Cardio, Complete Idiots, Exercise, General Anger, Misinformation, Motivation, Strength Training

Feb 222012

“Have you thought about doing intermittent fasting?”

As mentioned tons of times before, I’m very active on Fitocracy, a social network/game that lets you add in your workouts for points, achievements, and levels, plus gives you the option of joining competitions or doing various fitness quests for more bonuses. It’s a very supportive (yet delightfully snarky) environment full of people who all have very different goals in mind, yet all joining together in one group simply because fitness is an important part of their lives.

The only real blips in the road come when someone asks for advice.

But that sounds awesome!

See, with all of these people and their different goals, everyone has knowledge that is typically very focused upon their own needs. Bodybuilders can tell you all about squatting and cutting, but usually can’t tell you jack about endurance or weight loss. Those looking for casual exercise to fit into their lives can’t help out people looking for flexibility assistance. Marathon runners will balk if someone evangelizes Paleo eating to them. And once you pull vegans into the equation, well, it’s a disaster. That’s before we get into the people who seem to think that a gluten-free diet is the magical cure to everything in the universe and other delusional, misinformed people.

The fact of the matter is, proper advice depends on what your goals are. And it’s the short-sightedness of people who want to be helpful that start mucking things up unnecessarily.

For example, let’s talk about me! What goals do I have? Well, weight maintenance is the top of the pile, obviously. I’m also working on endurance with a running program (short-term goal to go 5k without walking, long-term goal to do the same for 10k). And I’m doing strength training as well, but that’s primarily hand-in-hand with weight maintenance: building muscle mass to boost my metabolism. Nothing truly fancy there.

But when I ask for advice on anything, hoooo boy. I’m still laughing at the person who mentioned Leangains to me (which is that “intermittent fasting” that I mentioned before). I’m not a bodybuilder! Not only that, but it has nothing at all to do with maintaining weight loss. Likewise, when I reached out for thoughts on how I might be able to safely bench or squat when my fitness room has no bench and no squat rack, the advice to get a bench or to not squat is just about full-on derp. So many people were completely unable to think outside of the little box in their head, the specific training they use and understand.

*sigh*

I’m not saying that people need to be experts on every aspect of exercise. Nay, that’s what trainers, nutritionists, and other professionals are for. But one needs to recognize when they can and can’t help someone whose goals differ from theirs — those who are in an entirely different and foreign universe. I’m not going to say a peep if someone puts out feelers about the best brand of whey protein, and I won’t be anywhere to be found in a conversation about Olympic lifting form.

However, what gets tricky is when you are dealing with n00bs who have no idea that the information they’re being given does not apply to them.

Take for example: you have someone who is completely ignorant of all things nutritional and physical, and they want to start a program to lose weight. You have some Paleotard speak up preaching about cutting out all grains and only eating whole foods. You get someone else telling them to meticulously track every calorie they eat. You get another person saying that cardio is stupid and worthless so they should lift weights. You get another person quoting a study about cardio being best for weight loss. Someone else says they should go meat-free, and yet another person tells them about how yoga changed their lives. A person speaks up about high intensity interval training and how it’s the greatest system ever for fast fat loss. Yet another person talks about how Greek yogurt and almonds are made of magical unicorn poop, and someone else says all you need to do is eat less and go for walks.

Look at how fucking helpful THAT is.

But you're earning badges!

Sure, there are some good ideas in there, but also much that really does not apply in this situation. That’s before we get to the stuff that isn’t really helpful to anyone, any time, ever.

It’s great that we all want to help! And it’s also fun to show the world that we know a lot about the shit that we’re into. But we have to know our role. We have to understand that our knowledge and successes are not blankets that work like magic for the whole population. And we also have to employ just a smidgen of common sense when it comes to this; if you think that maybe you know how to reply to someone’s request for advice, REALLY think about whether or not your information applies. Think about whether this is something universal or just a trick that happened to work for you. Think about whether your suggestion is at the same level of what the user is asking, as beginners won’t need to do things that advanced/progressed people need to do.

Now then. Keep being awesome doing whatever it is that you do so awesomely, and help those who are looking to do the same kinds of awesomeness. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

Older Entries

The trials and tribulations of the communal fitness room

Scientists discover the obvious, proclaim a revolution is needed

Fight for your right to be fit, part two

Fight for your right to be fit

Giving good advice: where, oh where, has the common sense gone

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